I-YOU or I-IT

What type of connections do you conduct with people???


There are two types of connections between yourself and another person. The first type of connections is when you are fully empathizing with this person. And to empathize with someone, is to acknowledge his/her feelings and emotions and interact with him/her accordingly. This type of connections is referred to as (I-YOU). You treat the other person as a deserving human being, and this way you help him/her interact with you more efficiently and give them a sense of self worth.

The second type of connections is what happens when you are fully wrapped up in your own emotions and feelings that blocks you from empathizing with other people's feelings,needs and emotions. In this case you treat others as a mere object. That's why it's called an (I-IT)connection.

Situations:

- Talking to a person, while he's not paying attention to you. Instead his attention is focused to his computer monitor. He rarely maintains eye contact with you. It gives you a sense of disinterest in your discussion, though the topic can be of some importance to you.

- Hurrying towards the cashier in a super market, carrying three or four items. At the same time another man with lots of groceries approaches the cashier as well. The man looks at the items in your hand, think of it as no big deal, smiles at you and let you go on first.

 In the first situation, you are faced with a brick wall. Depending on the urgency of the topic you are discussing with that person, you'll develop an emotional reaction varying from a frustrated "I'll come back later" to an angry "Are you even listening to me???". Emotionally you'll feel that you've not been given what you wanted, and that is what the (I-IT) connection is all about. Someone that treats another as an object rather than a person with needs.
However, in the second situation, the man empathizing with your rushing to get out of the supermarket can give you the comforting feeling of someone who cares for you, even when it comes from a complete stranger. And that's the person who's aware of your needs and empathizes with you. This empathy forms the (I-YOU) connection.

 Where does all that lead us to???

Sometimes we are overwhelmed with our own feelings that we barely notice how others feel. The trick is to be fully aware and present in the situation. A key to learn why people react this way is to monitor your own reactions first. Giving people the(I-YOU) connection will help you interact with them easier and faster. Be the caregiver and eventually you'll end up receiving their care for you.