A Tribute

To whom it may concern …

Years ago, I entered the field of instructing and training. I thought I was good at what I know. I thought that what I know is all there is to know. Well. I assumed wrong. In exchange of giving people instructions to master a few computer programs, I received an education in the art of human relations. I became what I am because of my students. And now, I truly believe that the more I teach, the more I learn.

I always felt nervous whenever one of my students had an exam. I don’t know if it was my ego, that I take it personally by considering their failure to be mine. Or if it was the connection established between a student and myself (specially hard working ones)?! But anyway I feel lucky to have my students around, for they provide me the insight without me having to seek it.

So if I am to say a word for my students, it’ll be this :

“ It was both an honor and a pleasure to meet you somewhere in this life. It was meant for our roads to cross at some point so that we can have the chance to make this little transaction of information. I thank you for giving me the chance to teach you and I hope that everyone of us has known a little about the other and more about ourselves. I thank those of you who considered me a friend and confided me with their problems and emotions. I also thank those who considered to criticize me, for I believe in their good intentions of making a better version of myself.

Now that every one of us is going his own road, I’ll be waiting for our roads to cross again and I’ll be deeply thrilled if I can be of any assistance to you.

Last but not least, thank you for making me what I am.”

Marwa Ibrahim

Little Things Can Make A Big Difference

• SMILE because “ A smile is a curve that can straighten out a lot of things”.
• Always salute people with a nice “Hello”, “Good morning”, “Good day” and best of all “Peace be upon you”.
• Always thank people for whatever they do for you. A thoughtful “Thank you” means that you appreciate what they are doing for you and motivate them to do more. And always remember that “Those who do not thank people, do not thank God”.
• Don’t be intimidated to apologize. Apologizing can decrease the resentment in a relationship, when sincerely offered.
• Mention the positive aspects before criticizing anything or anyone. That can make your opinions more welcomed.
• Always approach a conflict as an opportunity to learn something new, not as an opportunity to prove yourself right.
• Display a sincere desire to help people.
• Listen more than you talk. Keep an open mind as well as an open ear.
• Take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep well and plan your time between work and play.
• Take care of others. Nourish those relationships that add to your life.

TEAM (Together Everyone Achieves More) Part III

Handling CONFLICTS

In his exuberant book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, Dale Carnegie pointed out a few principles to win people to your way of thinking. The first principle he pointed out was - in his own words - “ The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it”. I refer to this book here only because it might change your perspective on how to deal with the interpersonal differences between you and other people.
However, conflicts and arguing within the team is inevitable. It can be a healthy sign, or it can be a detrimental one. It depends on what has caused the conflict in the first place and how it is managed. Although some issues might remain unsolved, but here are some guidelines to help you efficiently resolve the conflict.

1. Acknowledge that the conflict exists. A conflict is like an elephant in the room, so don’t try to ignore it. And remember that you can’t change what you can’t acknowledge.
2. Identify what causes the conflict. Be honest, open and receptive.
3. Display what effects does this conflict have on accomplishing your team goals. Focus on behaviors and actions not on persons.
4. Listen, listen and listen. Take turns at talking helps team members to express their point of view equally. Only talk when it’s your turn.
5. Focus on common grounds. Always remember that we have the same areas of interest within the team more than we have differences. Discuss the options available to you as a team.
6. Create a plan and monitor your team progress. This should be done in a specific time frame.

TEAM (Together Everyone Achieves More) Part II

The four main stages of building a team
Forming
And that is the beginning of exploration between team members and one another. Exploring their communication style, their professional skills and what they consider as an acceptable behavior among the team.
Storming
The most challenging phase where conflicts and arguments come to the surface. However, it's the most essential stage of forming a team from my point of view, specially when conflicts are about the job at hand not the person. I consider it healthy for it enriches the team experience and give more quality to the outcome.
Norming
This is the stage where everyone starts to put aside the differences and develop a sense of support towards each other, and a sense of focus towards the common goals of the team. The beginning of actual team progress is achieved in this particular stage.
Conforming
Now the team is ONE. More importance is place on accomplishing goals and the team begins to take pride in the progress it makes.

Being familiar with these four stages can relief most of the anxiety caused by your feelings towards working within a team. Understanding these stages will keep you from overreacting towards common problems and prevent you and your teammates from setting unrealistic expectations.

TEAM (Together Everyone Achieves More) Part I

The Concept of Team Building

Teams are an important part of the workplace. They help achieve great goals and projects through collective collaboration towards common objectives. They are most needed in the sort of work that a person can't do alone, however, they can be hard to manage sometimes.

Five myths (lies) about team work:

1. I always choose my team members.

2. My friends have to be my team members.

3. My team members should have the same technical skill level I possess.

4. My team members should adapt to my way of thinking.

5. An effective team should have no conflicts.

There are many factors contribute to the process of forming a team and choosing its team members. The degree of allowed free choice vary, because not everyone you want to work with share you the same desire. Besides, teams might have a preset number of members, which might force you to work with more or less people than you initially wanted. Sometimes team members are obliged to work with one another by a higher authority.

There's a big difference between your "team mates" and your "friends". These two groups can intersect sometimes, but this should not be the norm in forming your team. A team is a way to achieve more professionally, not a way for personal companionship. Not that your personal comfort is not a necessity, but the professional outcome should be given a higher priority.

Believe it or not, we are all differently the same :-) How come??? We all have good things and bad things. We just have different good things and different bad things. The trick is to bring to light the good things in yourself and your team members, and minimizing the effects of the bad things on yourself and others.

One of the things we all do is "Thinking", but we just think differently. Adapting to other people's way of thinking helps you have a better understanding of their nature, let alone minimizing the chance of escalating conflicts. Do this by listening to what every one has to say, instead of developing an instant reaction towards what is being said.

However, conflicts remain inevitable. Personally and Professionally. It requires great skills and honesty to deal with conflicts. Moreover, acknowledging that conflicts are "Normal" and "Essential", helps you to manage it more efficiently. And if you look at it from the bright side, you will find that conflicts help you develop your problem- solving skills.



I-YOU or I-IT

What type of connections do you conduct with people???


There are two types of connections between yourself and another person. The first type of connections is when you are fully empathizing with this person. And to empathize with someone, is to acknowledge his/her feelings and emotions and interact with him/her accordingly. This type of connections is referred to as (I-YOU). You treat the other person as a deserving human being, and this way you help him/her interact with you more efficiently and give them a sense of self worth.

The second type of connections is what happens when you are fully wrapped up in your own emotions and feelings that blocks you from empathizing with other people's feelings,needs and emotions. In this case you treat others as a mere object. That's why it's called an (I-IT)connection.

Situations:

- Talking to a person, while he's not paying attention to you. Instead his attention is focused to his computer monitor. He rarely maintains eye contact with you. It gives you a sense of disinterest in your discussion, though the topic can be of some importance to you.

- Hurrying towards the cashier in a super market, carrying three or four items. At the same time another man with lots of groceries approaches the cashier as well. The man looks at the items in your hand, think of it as no big deal, smiles at you and let you go on first.

 In the first situation, you are faced with a brick wall. Depending on the urgency of the topic you are discussing with that person, you'll develop an emotional reaction varying from a frustrated "I'll come back later" to an angry "Are you even listening to me???". Emotionally you'll feel that you've not been given what you wanted, and that is what the (I-IT) connection is all about. Someone that treats another as an object rather than a person with needs.
However, in the second situation, the man empathizing with your rushing to get out of the supermarket can give you the comforting feeling of someone who cares for you, even when it comes from a complete stranger. And that's the person who's aware of your needs and empathizes with you. This empathy forms the (I-YOU) connection.

 Where does all that lead us to???

Sometimes we are overwhelmed with our own feelings that we barely notice how others feel. The trick is to be fully aware and present in the situation. A key to learn why people react this way is to monitor your own reactions first. Giving people the(I-YOU) connection will help you interact with them easier and faster. Be the caregiver and eventually you'll end up receiving their care for you.

STRESSED OUT

People when faced with awkward situations, usually react differently than when faced with pleasant ones. They become stressed, and their level of stress heightens the more the situation escalates. Also, their level of stress depends on their approach towards the situation. How much we can control ourselves differs from one person to another.

But what if you were the one dealing with a person under stress??!! What would you do??

In my opinion, the key to deal with someone under stress is to ask yourself , what do you demand of people when you are the one under stress?? The answer to that is almost the same with almost every one. When we're angry or facing a stressful situation, all we demand is someone to listen. Someone to vent our frustrations with. Someone to empathize with us , rather than criticize us. Someone who doesn't take our reactions personally. So if a stressed person has to be dealt with, keep his needs for the moment in mind, and never take whatever reaction he shows personally.

To be more specific on how people react under stress, let's go back to the main communication styles we've talked about in the previous post. The creator, listener, thinker and doer. How would they behave when angry or stressed??

It's probably not news that a creator/collaborator is a people's man. Socially hyper-active, likes attention and thrives on interaction. But when creators are under stress, they tend to become aggressive. Use of emphatic language and raising their voice to the extent of yelling are the main characteristics of their aggression. Saying "Calm down" will only make it worse. But they usually subside quickly once they vent their frustration, and usually put the incident behind them. Therefore, don't take their anger personally. Empathize with them and give them the time to vent their anger. After all, they will come to their senses once it's all over. Avoid criticizing them at all costs.

But when it comes to the listeners/contributers, stress or anger are repressed. Though they make the ultimate peacemakers, but they are slow to forgive and forget. Under stress they become consenters and they show their objections briefly through their body language. All their needs at the time is their turn in talking instead of listening.

However, thinkers/inquisitors become avoiders mostly because they're the ones with logic and valid reasons from their point of view. They avoid emotional reactions towards their stress, and if the situation escalates, they avoid it physically by removing themselves from the situation. If so, they need time to reflect and think, so don't intervene immediately.

Finally, we come to the doers/directors. They normally want to feel in control. When stressed, they seek more control and power, which causes the ultimate frustration to others. Controllers lose their ability to think straight. Their reactions radically changes due to their stress. Be there, and provide them with a proper plan to get things done quickly and effectively.

The bottom line is to try to go beneath the surface. Understanding the emotions behind their reactions. It'll make it much easier for you to adapt to their style under stress.

WHO WE ARE (Understanding Communication Styles)

Every person has some distinctive characteristics that form his/her own style. Your way of living, dressing and expressing yourself can be elements that contribute to your style. Most of all, the way you communicate with others socially is considered your "Communication Style".

Every one of us has a dominant communication style. Knowing your dominant communication style and that of the others can help you interact effectively with each other, let alone minimizing your chances of having a communication conflict.

In order to determine your communication style, answer these seven simple questions.

Your answers will help you determine your communication style, and that of the others:
 1. At a large social gathering, you are most likely to ...:
     a. interact with many different people, strangers included.
     b. talk one-on-one mostly with people you already know.
     c. leave as soon as it is polite to do so.
     d. use the opportunity to make important contacts.

2. If you were famous in your field, which career would most suit you?
     a. Movie star
     b. Humanitarian
     c. Inventor
     d. Head of a company

3. Of these four personality traits, you consider your strongest to be ...:
     a. Imagination
     b. Compassion
     c. Persistence
     d. Assertiveness

4. If you suddenly have some spare time on a weekend, what you usually most WANT to do is ...:
     a. ...contact several friends and see if there is something fun going on.
     b. ...have some quality time with one or a just a few people.
     c. ...focus your energy on one specific hobby or project.
     d. ...get a number of important things done on your TO DO list.

5. When the phone rings you,...:
     a. ...answer it immediately and talk at length.
     b. ...look forward to the call, but wait a few rings before answering.
     c. ...deal with whoever it is quickly and efficiently.
     d. ...hope someone else will answer it.

6. Which genre of fiction do you prefer??:
     a. Comedy or family movies
     b. Feel-good story or romance
     c. Mystery, psychological thriller or science fiction
     d. Epic, historical or action

7. If a conflict arises between a friend and I, my first reaction is to ...:
     a. ...make sure the relationship doesn't get damaged.
     b. ...find a compromise, where we both get at least part of what we want.
     c. ...avoid that person for a while.
     d. ...make sure they understand my position on things.





If your answers are mostly A's, your dominant communication style is a "Creator" (also known as collaborator).
If your answers are mostly B's, your dominant communication style is a "Listener" (also known as contributor).
If your answers are mostly C's, your dominant communication style is a "Thinker" (also known as inquisitor).
If your answers are mostly D's, your dominant communication style is a "Doer" (also known as director).

What does it mean????
To understand more about your communication style and those of others, skim through the description details below.

 Creator
      Characteristics:
             - Friendly and open
             - Rarely follow a logical path
             - High-energy levels 
             - Enthusiastic
             - Excellent storytellers
             - Viewed as visionaries
             - Like attention

      Challenges: 
             - Often expect chit-chat even in a workplace
             - Skip from task to task
                - Impulsive

      Can be in conflict with … THINKERS



      Word of Advice :) 
           Talk less, work more. Try to be less intense and more logical.


Listener
     Characteristics:
           - Socially oriented, but prefer small groups or one-on-one conversations
           - Open to new ideas and opinions
           - Masters at compromising
           - Peacemakers
           - Excellent listener
      Challenges:
           - Sometimes indecisive
           - Repress their anger
           - Vent their frustration to a third party
           - Can be slow decision makers

     Can be in conflict with … DOERS

     Word of Advice :)
            Try to be more assertive. Focus less on relationships and more on tasks. Learn to make observations based on facts, not subjective judgments.


Thinker
     Characteristics:
            - Logic and reason are their top priorities
            - Have high standards
            - Don't speak in emotional terms
            - Pay great attention to details
            - Like predictability
            - Analytical

     Challenges:

           - Prefer to work alone
           - Can be viewed as critical of themselves and others
           - Can be overly serious
           - Low risk-takers

     Can be in conflict with … CREATORS
     Word of Advice :)
           Try to move faster, show less need for endless detail, be more open to new ideas and people.


Doer

     Characteristics:

          - Task oriented
          - Take immediate action
          - Decisive
          - Pragmatic
          - Express support through action
          - Competitive and Competent

     Challenges:

          - Can be frustrating and intimidating
          - Show little empathy
          - Can be domineering
          - Poor listeners

     Can be in conflict with … LISTENERS   
     Word of Advice :)           Slow down. Count to ten before responding. Learn to listen more. Work at showing empathy and be more patient.


But what happens when these styles fall into a big hole of pressure???
To answer that question wait for our next post ….


Enjoy,
MIA

For more on the quiz visit
http://ezinearticles.com/?Communication-Style-Quiz&id=97457
http://www.asme.org/Jobs/Manage/Whats_Communication_Style.cfm

Making Sense (The Communication Model)

Let's say that a friend of yours was in a meeting while you were supposed to watch an important football match. In his/her break time, he/she sends you an SMS that says "What's the score?". You reply by sending him/her the score "0/0". Basically, what happened here is that the message(information) your friend wrote on his/her mobile phone as simple text , has been encoded through his/her network operator. The network operator has sent the message(information) to your mobile phone. Finally, the message has been decoded and appeared on your mobile phone screen as the simple text your friend has initially sent. The same operation worked once again when you sent him/her the reply (feedback). And as all sort of communication methods this operation goes on and on, in a more sophisticated manner. However, if one or more parties involved in the communication process goes broken, the communication between you simply fails.



All sorts of communication work the same way. It might seem more like a digital process that works with electronic devices only. But no. That's the way our brains work too. For our brains are considered the most sophisticated device of communication. Moreover, our brains have the abilities to communicate with less effort and in considerably less time, so that the message communicated can be processed, sent and received in a fraction of a second. What we have here is what is called "The Communication Model".

The communication model is defined as "Who says what to whom ?? ". Therefore, the main parties involved here are the sender, receiver and the message communicated. Other contributing factors to the communication process are the environment in which the communication takes place(medium/media), the effect in which the message is delivered and the elements of influence that can affect the process. Knowing these factors, and letting them work for your advantage can always lead to better outcomes.

So, in order to communicate effectively with someone, there are questions that you have to answer first:


- Who are you?, Who is he/she? (Communication styles)


- What is the message?


- How to communicate the message? (Verbal/Nonverbal)


Once you have the answer for these questions, you are more likely to get your message delivered with the desired effect. By time, the questions and answers will run in the background of your brain while your interactions are proceeding.
For more on the topic, follow our upcoming posts.


Enjoy Blogging with us,
MIA

Introduction

     Getting through our daily lives, we face many challenges on a social level. We form our relationships, and shape our interactions by what is known for us as the commonsense. Through our culture, our families or what we've learned by experience through trial and error  we try to make the best out of what we're dealing with, however, it doesn't guarantee us the outcome we hope for. But what if there's more to it??? What if there're skills that can improve our interactions and relationships and lead us to better outcomes??? These skills vary in range from proven science to personal intuition. Once known (and perseveringly practiced) it alters the way you act and react towards many situations.

     Through this blog, we'll discuss a wide range of topics that is related to our daily lives. Feel free to post your comments, share our posts, rate them and recommend topics for discussion. I'll be following through on daily basis.

Love and Respect,

MIA